I was talking to some friends who were trying to get in to the movie business and i just had an idea. Maybe i should take over my family business? I mean movies in my blood anyway.
I have successfully directed many movies in Inti wid the help of my trustworthy producer and the rest of my pathetic film crew. Although the cameraman did disappear wid all the video we shot....
Ah just thinking about it brings back many memories. Good and bad actually. Everything i directed was so controversial that i got many death threats. The only reason i am still alive is due to certain crew members and a certain hockey stick. Those who werent in the crew might think i am kidding but i aint at all.
The dumb actors tot it was a porn movie and was only interested in screwing each other. The cameraman probably sold that video on the internet. I heard a romour that Mr G has got a copy of it. Then again what gay porn he doesnt have?
Hmmmm.... I am getting some ideas now and i think i need to find a camera ASAP. We will recreate my relationship wid VB. Now that should make more money than Titanic. First i need to get Halle Berry to act in it. Wait a minute. I know a look alike. I wonder who will play me? Yeah your right. There is only one man who fits the profile. Karl Penn wins that role. And hopefully this will give him his 1st Oscar which mind you he deserves completely. He is a top class actor.
Ok now i will get my crew in motion. OFFICE BOY GET ME MY SECRATERY NOW!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Thursday, March 17, 2005
More Indian Jokes
A Sardarji (they wear turbans and are called 'turbanators') finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.
"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.
The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.
"What's the matter?" he asked
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"
"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Two Pakie's see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.
As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.
The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".
His friend turns round and says "fu** off you Pakie" and walks off.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bhola (a stupid dumb) goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Bhola goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Bhola goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Bhola: "What! This is sh*t!"
Bhola calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts."
The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow."
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doc, surprised,says "touch your head."
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.
The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.
Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..."
"Oh yeah? what is it ?"
'You've broken your finger!'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital requested that he take lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him why.
"Well, French is the language of heaven," he sighed. "I want to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die."
"But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to hell. What good will French do you then?" asked the doctor.
"That will no problem. I am fluent in Punjabi."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Santa Singh and Banta Singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta Singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her.
Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ".
Banta Singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees a bird and shoots.
He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed".
The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. After some time the shikaari sees a deer and shoots.
He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir sae missed"
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you."
This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away."
"Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhoonsadiwaalae! I missed too."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come indo my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb."
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola's house was rising steadily..
Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here. Bhola replied, "No thanks, God will save me."
Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop you a rope,grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell in, and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't you save me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would you have me do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.
"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.
The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.
"What's the matter?" he asked
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"
"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Two Pakie's see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.
As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.
The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".
His friend turns round and says "fu** off you Pakie" and walks off.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bhola (a stupid dumb) goes to a grocery store. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Bhola to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Bhola goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Bhola finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Bhola to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Bhola goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Bhola comes to the grocery store with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Bhola: "What! This is sh*t!"
Bhola calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts."
The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow."
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doc, surprised,says "touch your head."
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.
The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.
Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..."
"Oh yeah? what is it ?"
'You've broken your finger!'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital requested that he take lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him why.
"Well, French is the language of heaven," he sighed. "I want to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die."
"But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to hell. What good will French do you then?" asked the doctor.
"That will no problem. I am fluent in Punjabi."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Santa Singh and Banta Singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta Singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner. As he was getting up to talk to her.
Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ".
Banta Singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" and he stylishly holding his whiskey in his left hand walked to her table. Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees a bird and shoots.
He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed".
The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. After some time the shikaari sees a deer and shoots.
He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir sae missed"
The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you."
This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."
The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away."
"Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhoonsadiwaalae! I missed too."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane.
Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."
The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come indo my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb."
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola's house was rising steadily..
Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here. Bhola replied, "No thanks, God will save me."
Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, "I'll drop you a rope,grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Bhola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell in, and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't you save me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would you have me do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
Monday, March 14, 2005
The Return of The Jedi
Guess you all havent heard from me in a while.
Hope you didnt miss me. Got lots to tell me no time to type.
Fist my frens HD loves to crash. now i lost my prized DVD burner. Wonder when will i see it again. Sigh.....
Then after 3 hours of playing Knights of the old republic 2(KOTOR2) my savegame got corrupted and well you can figure out what happened next....
Just too bloody lazy, depressed and tired to continue on..... The wait continues
Hope you didnt miss me. Got lots to tell me no time to type.
Fist my frens HD loves to crash. now i lost my prized DVD burner. Wonder when will i see it again. Sigh.....
Then after 3 hours of playing Knights of the old republic 2(KOTOR2) my savegame got corrupted and well you can figure out what happened next....
Just too bloody lazy, depressed and tired to continue on..... The wait continues
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Notice of Slow Blog performance
Hey guys, really sorry but i got some bad news.....
I might not be able to blog so frequently anymore ( not that i have been lately ). But i will try to post some new theories every now and then. So my dear fans ( or whatever you guys are ) please be a little patient ok.... Thanks
I might not be able to blog so frequently anymore ( not that i have been lately ). But i will try to post some new theories every now and then. So my dear fans ( or whatever you guys are ) please be a little patient ok.... Thanks
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Tamil Movies Style Scandal
You wouldnt believe what is happening with me gang....
1 of me boys has a crush on this particular gal who by the way cant stand the sight of him for reasons we shall not discuss.....
Now he finds her talking to another one my gang members and he get all pissed off ( you know how these bloody tamilians are eh??...??) He decides to warm this guy and tells him to stay away from the gal( who still hates him).....
Now i know what you're thinking.... which Bollywood movies is this coming off from???? And no this gal is no Miss World or anything. We all know these people from the bollywood film industry have got absolutely no acting talents at all. As long as they look good the fans are happy. Aishwarya Rai should act in a full frontal nudity scene and behave like the slut she really is. I mean we all know she slept around during the Miss World competitions. Its not looks that matter to win, its just how many judges ur willing to sleep with. And i know these fucking indians will not like it if i said it but someone has to say it right????
Anyway i am getting way off track am i not... Now where was i...... Oh yeah, so this idiot decides to warn this innocent guy(not really but it fits the storyline better eh....). Some of my men decide to try to talk to this ass but we all know he will not learn his lesson yet. So i have gotten together with a couple of other 'captains' and we will teach this ass a lesson he will never forget.... Nobody messes aound wid my gang memebers......
1 of me boys has a crush on this particular gal who by the way cant stand the sight of him for reasons we shall not discuss.....
Now he finds her talking to another one my gang members and he get all pissed off ( you know how these bloody tamilians are eh??...??) He decides to warm this guy and tells him to stay away from the gal( who still hates him).....
Now i know what you're thinking.... which Bollywood movies is this coming off from???? And no this gal is no Miss World or anything. We all know these people from the bollywood film industry have got absolutely no acting talents at all. As long as they look good the fans are happy. Aishwarya Rai should act in a full frontal nudity scene and behave like the slut she really is. I mean we all know she slept around during the Miss World competitions. Its not looks that matter to win, its just how many judges ur willing to sleep with. And i know these fucking indians will not like it if i said it but someone has to say it right????
Anyway i am getting way off track am i not... Now where was i...... Oh yeah, so this idiot decides to warn this innocent guy(not really but it fits the storyline better eh....). Some of my men decide to try to talk to this ass but we all know he will not learn his lesson yet. So i have gotten together with a couple of other 'captains' and we will teach this ass a lesson he will never forget.... Nobody messes aound wid my gang memebers......
Monday, January 03, 2005
Biotechnology
I am very proud of myself today. I made a brand new discovery on how car servicing is done.
Its is in the middle of a nursery. Now it uses such advanced technologies that we normal people cannot possibly comprehend at all. Using this amazing technology we only need to service the car once a year as the plants do some sort of gene spiling iwth the engine oil to make it last longer and prevent any wear and tear on the car. So your car will feel brand new forever. The lifespan of the plant is only one year so thats why you have to change ur oil every year...
Also you dont have to worry about the mechanic cheating you at all anymore. All your repairs are only at one price... They use the same part for whatever the car problem. Their diagnostic methods use a rare breed of sunflower only found in africa. They use the same rose tree to fix any problem in your car , being it a simple oil leak to a massive gear box problem....
Cool Eh..............
Its is in the middle of a nursery. Now it uses such advanced technologies that we normal people cannot possibly comprehend at all. Using this amazing technology we only need to service the car once a year as the plants do some sort of gene spiling iwth the engine oil to make it last longer and prevent any wear and tear on the car. So your car will feel brand new forever. The lifespan of the plant is only one year so thats why you have to change ur oil every year...
Also you dont have to worry about the mechanic cheating you at all anymore. All your repairs are only at one price... They use the same part for whatever the car problem. Their diagnostic methods use a rare breed of sunflower only found in africa. They use the same rose tree to fix any problem in your car , being it a simple oil leak to a massive gear box problem....
Cool Eh..............
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Ayappan
Oh yeah i almost forgot... I also started to take the Ayyapan virtham. It mean i have to be vegetarian, no sex, no alcohol, no smoking, no masturbating, no looking at women(tits n ass), and no touching women as well. I have to do this 18 days. I hope i get through with this. Maybe then my luck might change a little. Went to a very secluded Ayyapan temple in Batu Caves a couple of days back. Its about a kilometer away from the Murugan temple in Batu Caves and its also in a cave. The cave was supposedly submerged in water and requires a water pump to be working full time so that it doesnt flood. And you wouldnt believe who is the chairman of the temple's commitee....
Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Believe it or not it is actually Datuk Sammy Vellu's ugly ass wife. You ever watched one of those Kerela puppet drama's held during Onam? She looked exactly like that... With a whole inch of makeup on her ugly face. I swear she had more make up than the whole KISS band put together, and thats saying a lot....
Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Believe it or not it is actually Datuk Sammy Vellu's ugly ass wife. You ever watched one of those Kerela puppet drama's held during Onam? She looked exactly like that... With a whole inch of makeup on her ugly face. I swear she had more make up than the whole KISS band put together, and thats saying a lot....
End Of the Year
Been sometime since i posted anything here. Its been a real fucked up week i think most of us can agree. Started with the whole tsunami thingy, may all the lost souls rest in peace. Let us all say a prayer for them and their families. For those of you who want to help and still haven't well what the hell are you waiting for. Get your asses moving now. You can donate at your local newspaper offices/brances and also many temples in KL are collecting donations as well.
With the amount of damages it has caused i believe this was the worst disaster the world has ever faced especially in this region. Wonder if someone will blame it on terrorists..... Can imagine the headlines.... OSAMA CAUSE TSUNAMIS. Bush planning huge manhunt for him. This time he is hiding in a jungle in Kelantan training Muslim militants to attack and take control of Thailand. He planned to buy a huge atomic bomb from the russians but during delivery it kinda exploded and caused huge damages in the ocean. A couple of hours later Mr. Tsunami is knocking on everyones doors. What a great fucking story line. We should make this into a movie. Release it in a few years time so that it wont cause a public outcry. Hehehehe...
I had more bad luck over the weekend but i dont wanna really talk about it. I guess the only plus point during the week was the new car. We all know how long that lasted...
With the amount of damages it has caused i believe this was the worst disaster the world has ever faced especially in this region. Wonder if someone will blame it on terrorists..... Can imagine the headlines.... OSAMA CAUSE TSUNAMIS. Bush planning huge manhunt for him. This time he is hiding in a jungle in Kelantan training Muslim militants to attack and take control of Thailand. He planned to buy a huge atomic bomb from the russians but during delivery it kinda exploded and caused huge damages in the ocean. A couple of hours later Mr. Tsunami is knocking on everyones doors. What a great fucking story line. We should make this into a movie. Release it in a few years time so that it wont cause a public outcry. Hehehehe...
I had more bad luck over the weekend but i dont wanna really talk about it. I guess the only plus point during the week was the new car. We all know how long that lasted...
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Malayalee Jokes
The classic one - How many bulbs?
How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?
Infinite number.. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers' union (Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (CPI), 1 to be the Light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light bulb corporation, 45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb, 3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal.... so on.... (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don't have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution....)
Mallus are first
Mallus have been and are among India's most widely spread community. If anyone needs proof then all they need do is look into NASA archives. As Neil Armstrong was about to say "One small step...", a Kaka came out of his shaap, and called his boy.. "Yada.. randu chaaya.". So much so for Armstrong being the first man on the moon. Mallus were there first!
Is Bruce Lee a Malaya Lee?
What is Bruce Lee's favorite weapon?
----- Kodaa Lee
According to Bruce Lee, which is the Venomous snake?
----- Ana Lee
Place where Bruce Lee stays when he is in Kerala
----- Adima Lee
Bruce Lee's Favorite Malayalam Channel
----- Kaira Lee
Bruce Lee favorite vegitable?
----- Thakkaa Lee
What sound does Bruce Lee make when some one hits him?
----- Nilavi Lee
What is Bruce Lee's pet
------ Chunde Lee
What kind of water does Bruce Lee prefer with his lunch?
------ Karingaa Lee
What is Bruce Lee's Girl Friend's name?
------ Anaarka Lee
What is Bruce Lee's nick name?
------ Neeraa Lee
While in kerala he likes to be known
------ Malaya Lee
Pazham Chollu a.k.a Banana Talk Contributed by Prem Kumar
Whitening applied becomes white scars.
(Velukkan thechathu pandayi)
When talking, hear. When given, eat.
(Paraymbol kelkkanam.tharumbol thinnanam)
Give elephant, but not hope.
(Aana koduthalum aasha kodukaruthu)
If Crow bath, become crane ??
(Kaaka kulichal kokku aagumo??)
If needed jackfruit on root grow.
(Venamengil chakka verilum kaayikkum)
Snake on fence on shoulder no put.
(Veliyil kidanna paambine eduthu tholil idaruthu)
Onam come or Baby born, porridge for KORAN still in leaf.
(Onam vannaalum Unni pirannaalum, Koranu Kanji Kumbilil thanne)
Own baby, for crow, golden baby.
(Kaakkakku Than Kunju Ponkunju)
Market fail Mother's back.
(Angaadiyil thottathinu Ammayude purathu)
Silent Cat Breaks Pot.
(Mindaa Poocha Kalam Udakkum)
Sand leaning man took girl.
(Mannum Chaari Ninnavan Pennum Kondupoyi)
Centipede if put on mattress goes to garbage.
(Attaye pidichu Methayil Kidathiyaalum Athu pokum Kuppa kuzhiyil)
Miser hold umbrella at midnight.
(Alpan Ardha Raathriyilum koda Pidikkum)
Foot wrong elephant will also fall.
(Adi thettiyaal aaneyum veezhum)
Friend of Eeenaampechi is TreeDog.
(Eeenaampechi-kku kootu marapatti)
In desert one Tree green.
(Marubhumiyil oru marupacha)
Sitting to moan, dog's head, coconut fell.
(Moangan irunna naayudey thalayil thenga veenu)
Different drop big water.
(Palathulli peruvellam)
How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?
Infinite number.. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers' union (Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (CPI), 1 to be the Light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light bulb corporation, 45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb, 3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal.... so on.... (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don't have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution....)
Mallus are first
Mallus have been and are among India's most widely spread community. If anyone needs proof then all they need do is look into NASA archives. As Neil Armstrong was about to say "One small step...", a Kaka came out of his shaap, and called his boy.. "Yada.. randu chaaya.". So much so for Armstrong being the first man on the moon. Mallus were there first!
Is Bruce Lee a Malaya Lee?
What is Bruce Lee's favorite weapon?
----- Kodaa Lee
According to Bruce Lee, which is the Venomous snake?
----- Ana Lee
Place where Bruce Lee stays when he is in Kerala
----- Adima Lee
Bruce Lee's Favorite Malayalam Channel
----- Kaira Lee
Bruce Lee favorite vegitable?
----- Thakkaa Lee
What sound does Bruce Lee make when some one hits him?
----- Nilavi Lee
What is Bruce Lee's pet
------ Chunde Lee
What kind of water does Bruce Lee prefer with his lunch?
------ Karingaa Lee
What is Bruce Lee's Girl Friend's name?
------ Anaarka Lee
What is Bruce Lee's nick name?
------ Neeraa Lee
While in kerala he likes to be known
------ Malaya Lee
Pazham Chollu a.k.a Banana Talk Contributed by Prem Kumar
Whitening applied becomes white scars.
(Velukkan thechathu pandayi)
When talking, hear. When given, eat.
(Paraymbol kelkkanam.tharumbol thinnanam)
Give elephant, but not hope.
(Aana koduthalum aasha kodukaruthu)
If Crow bath, become crane ??
(Kaaka kulichal kokku aagumo??)
If needed jackfruit on root grow.
(Venamengil chakka verilum kaayikkum)
Snake on fence on shoulder no put.
(Veliyil kidanna paambine eduthu tholil idaruthu)
Onam come or Baby born, porridge for KORAN still in leaf.
(Onam vannaalum Unni pirannaalum, Koranu Kanji Kumbilil thanne)
Own baby, for crow, golden baby.
(Kaakkakku Than Kunju Ponkunju)
Market fail Mother's back.
(Angaadiyil thottathinu Ammayude purathu)
Silent Cat Breaks Pot.
(Mindaa Poocha Kalam Udakkum)
Sand leaning man took girl.
(Mannum Chaari Ninnavan Pennum Kondupoyi)
Centipede if put on mattress goes to garbage.
(Attaye pidichu Methayil Kidathiyaalum Athu pokum Kuppa kuzhiyil)
Miser hold umbrella at midnight.
(Alpan Ardha Raathriyilum koda Pidikkum)
Foot wrong elephant will also fall.
(Adi thettiyaal aaneyum veezhum)
Friend of Eeenaampechi is TreeDog.
(Eeenaampechi-kku kootu marapatti)
In desert one Tree green.
(Marubhumiyil oru marupacha)
Sitting to moan, dog's head, coconut fell.
(Moangan irunna naayudey thalayil thenga veenu)
Different drop big water.
(Palathulli peruvellam)
God and You
God : Hello. Did you call me?
Me : Called you? No.. who is this?
God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I
thought I will chat.
Me : I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am
actually busy now. I
am in
the midst of something.
God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me : Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has
become hectic.
It's
rush hour all the time.
God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity
gets you
results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me : I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the
way, I was
not
expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging
chat.
God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time,
by giving you
some
clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you
through the
medium you
are comfortable with.
Me : Tell me, why has life become complicated
now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is
what makes it
complicated.
Me : why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried
about yesterday.You
are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying
has become
your habit.
That's why you are not happy.
Me : But how can we not worry when there is so
much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is
optional.
Me : But then, there is so much pain due to
uncertainty..
God : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me : If suffering is optional, why do good people
always suffer?
God : Diamonds cannot be polished without
friction. Gold cannot be
purified without fire. Good people go through
trials, but don't
suffer.
With that experience their lives become better not
bitter.
Me : You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard
teacher. She gives
the
test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me : But still, why should we go through such
tests? Why cant we be
free
from problems?
God : PROBLEMS are Purposeful Roadblocks
Offering Beneficial Lessons
(to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength
comes from
struggle and
endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me : Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we
don't know where
we
are heading..
God : If you look outside you will not know where
you are heading
.Look
inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking
inside, you awaken.
Eyes
provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me : Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to
hurt more than moving in
the
right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by
others. Satisfaction is a
measure as decided by you.
Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than
knowing you rode
ahead.
You work with the compass. Let others work with
the clock.
Me : In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come
rather than how far you
have
to go. Always count your blessing, not what you
are missing.
Me : What surprises you about people?
God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When
they prosper, they
never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have
truth on t heir
side,
but few want to be on the side of the truth
Me : Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I
cant get the
answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to
determine who you want to
be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are
here. Create it.
Life is
not a process of discovery but a process of
creation.
Me : How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your
present with
confidence.
Me : Called you? No.. who is this?
God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I
thought I will chat.
Me : I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am
actually busy now. I
am in
the midst of something.
God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me : Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has
become hectic.
It's
rush hour all the time.
God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity
gets you
results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me : I understand. But I still cant figure out. By the
way, I was
not
expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging
chat.
God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time,
by giving you
some
clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you
through the
medium you
are comfortable with.
Me : Tell me, why has life become complicated
now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is
what makes it
complicated.
Me : why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried
about yesterday.You
are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying
has become
your habit.
That's why you are not happy.
Me : But how can we not worry when there is so
much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is
optional.
Me : But then, there is so much pain due to
uncertainty..
God : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me : If suffering is optional, why do good people
always suffer?
God : Diamonds cannot be polished without
friction. Gold cannot be
purified without fire. Good people go through
trials, but don't
suffer.
With that experience their lives become better not
bitter.
Me : You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard
teacher. She gives
the
test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me : But still, why should we go through such
tests? Why cant we be
free
from problems?
God : PROBLEMS are Purposeful Roadblocks
Offering Beneficial Lessons
(to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength
comes from
struggle and
endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me : Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we
don't know where
we
are heading..
God : If you look outside you will not know where
you are heading
.Look
inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking
inside, you awaken.
Eyes
provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me : Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to
hurt more than moving in
the
right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by
others. Satisfaction is a
measure as decided by you.
Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than
knowing you rode
ahead.
You work with the compass. Let others work with
the clock.
Me : In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come
rather than how far you
have
to go. Always count your blessing, not what you
are missing.
Me : What surprises you about people?
God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When
they prosper, they
never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have
truth on t heir
side,
but few want to be on the side of the truth
Me : Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I
cant get the
answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to
determine who you want to
be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are
here. Create it.
Life is
not a process of discovery but a process of
creation.
Me : How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your
present with
confidence.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
The proud Indians
It hit me how proud we Indians are a few days back. Someone posted in the ABM forum that they were looking for this girl who stayed with them almost 40 years ago. They know she was from Malaysia and hails from Bangalore...
Warning bells started to ring as i though this was another one of those ignorant Americans. But she insisted the girl was from Malaysia and so i promised i would do my best to find her. Before i asked anyone i decided to take the simpler methods, i searched the white pages but to no avail i found nobody with such a name.
So i decided to search this lady's name on Google. They were only 3 hits. And the very 1st one believe or not was a post from this lady. She actually gave her whole life story in this post, from which schools she attended, what degree she got from which uni. It seemed like a very short resume to me...
I understand if your proud that you achieved something but having the need to show it off to every single person in the world by posting it on the internet????? I mean how lame can you get? Needless to say her email address and probably the rest of her contact details were all there( i was too cheesed off to read more than i needed to).
It REALLY makes you think doesnt it.
Warning bells started to ring as i though this was another one of those ignorant Americans. But she insisted the girl was from Malaysia and so i promised i would do my best to find her. Before i asked anyone i decided to take the simpler methods, i searched the white pages but to no avail i found nobody with such a name.
So i decided to search this lady's name on Google. They were only 3 hits. And the very 1st one believe or not was a post from this lady. She actually gave her whole life story in this post, from which schools she attended, what degree she got from which uni. It seemed like a very short resume to me...
I understand if your proud that you achieved something but having the need to show it off to every single person in the world by posting it on the internet????? I mean how lame can you get? Needless to say her email address and probably the rest of her contact details were all there( i was too cheesed off to read more than i needed to).
It REALLY makes you think doesnt it.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Email Accounts
Hi again.........................................................
Was going through my gmail account earlier and found that i can invite people already. Guess i must have been doing something right. I used up one invite already and have got a couple more available. If anybody is interested do drop me a line and i will consider your request. Oh yeah a small bribe might help as well to speed up your request. Muahahahaha....... I am becoming like the Malaysian goverment heheeheehe...
Speaking of that i am pissed of with the local Telekom. They are very selfish and unhelpful bitches you know. I am talking bout the staff in Seremban telekom. I wanted to downgrade my account and they refused to let me citing silly reasons but when i call up the Streamyx Helpline they say no problem i just have to get the form from Telekom. Since the bitches in Seremban dont wanna give it to me i have to go all the way to KL. Hehehe..... you should have seen the faces of them when i called them stupid bitches right in front of them. Wonder if i slipped some money it would have helped my situation
Damn bitches.......................
Was going through my gmail account earlier and found that i can invite people already. Guess i must have been doing something right. I used up one invite already and have got a couple more available. If anybody is interested do drop me a line and i will consider your request. Oh yeah a small bribe might help as well to speed up your request. Muahahahaha....... I am becoming like the Malaysian goverment heheeheehe...
Speaking of that i am pissed of with the local Telekom. They are very selfish and unhelpful bitches you know. I am talking bout the staff in Seremban telekom. I wanted to downgrade my account and they refused to let me citing silly reasons but when i call up the Streamyx Helpline they say no problem i just have to get the form from Telekom. Since the bitches in Seremban dont wanna give it to me i have to go all the way to KL. Hehehe..... you should have seen the faces of them when i called them stupid bitches right in front of them. Wonder if i slipped some money it would have helped my situation
Damn bitches.......................
My 1st blog
Looks like i am going in to new teritory today. My friend just convinced me to do this. No real theories at the moment. Guess i will have to start advertising this. Wonder if i can make money out of this. Hmmmmmm.....................
Will keep that in mind. What does someone write in a blog anyway??? At the moment all i can think of is LOTR but i guess that's not very appropriate right? Maybe i should take some time to think about it firstly. And how does one advertise this thing anyway?
Oh i cant really help it you know. I just watched the extended version of 'Return of the King'. It was really amazing. Christopher Lee has a bigger part in this version. Although i wish the ending was like in the book but i guess it cant be perfect right? The scenes with Frodo were a lot more bearable ( for me) in this version as well. I thought those scenes in the theatrical version was kinda draggy. Anyway its a lot better than watching the DVD release of Star Wars. Nothing wrong with the movie, just the spoiler in the end. If you dont know what i am talking about go and get it and watch it.
I dont really have any new theories to discuss at the moment but as sson as i do i will post it. Until next time...................................
Will keep that in mind. What does someone write in a blog anyway??? At the moment all i can think of is LOTR but i guess that's not very appropriate right? Maybe i should take some time to think about it firstly. And how does one advertise this thing anyway?
Oh i cant really help it you know. I just watched the extended version of 'Return of the King'. It was really amazing. Christopher Lee has a bigger part in this version. Although i wish the ending was like in the book but i guess it cant be perfect right? The scenes with Frodo were a lot more bearable ( for me) in this version as well. I thought those scenes in the theatrical version was kinda draggy. Anyway its a lot better than watching the DVD release of Star Wars. Nothing wrong with the movie, just the spoiler in the end. If you dont know what i am talking about go and get it and watch it.
I dont really have any new theories to discuss at the moment but as sson as i do i will post it. Until next time...................................
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